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Crossover Conspiracies: Dr. Saruman Wonka, DDS

Updated: Aug 6, 2018

"I see you haven't been flossing."

Hello and welcome, I'm Crossover Craig!

I've watched a lot of movies and TV shows, and I've come to the realization that many different stories can be connected by their characters, actors and actresses. Most people think I'm a bit crazy for seeing these connections... but am I crazy? Maybe a bit... but maybe it's what I need to see the truth!

Lots of spare time helps, too.

I'm here to take you down the rabbit hole of your favorite movies, shows, and people. Let's see just how deep it goes!

Here we goooo

For those that only saw the movies, I will give a quick epilogue of what happened after The Return of the King.

So we all saw the Ents attack and utterly destroy Saruman's fortress of Isengard. What we don't see is the Ents keeping Saruman as a prisoner in his own home. Which is more than fair for them to do considering that Saruman killed many Ents in his quest for power. Additionally, Saruman is banished from his order and his staff is broken.

Eventually, he is released when he agrees to hand over the Keys to Orthanc and flees to Hobbiton where he becomes a small time crook. After the Battle of Bywater, Frodo confronts him and banishes him from the Shire. But it was too late for Saruman: Grimma Wormtongue slits his throat at the steps of Bag End.

SO they changed it for the movie...point is it happened.

Because Saruman is not a mortal, but a Maia, he cannot truly die; much like Gandalf returning to Middle Earth as the White Wizard to replace Saruman. Saruman was not allowed to return to the Halls of Mandos, where the Maiar go after death, and subsequently his incorporeal spirit had to go... well, anywhere else.

The quote goes as follows:

"Whereas Curunir [Saruman] was cast down, and utterly humbled, and perished at last by the hand of an oppressed slave; and his spirit went whither-soever it was doomed to go, and to Middle-earth, whether naked or embodied, came never back"

Now we come to the point: What happened to Saruman after he was banished from Middle Earth?

Well, we know that while his power was severely diminished once he was banished and his staff broken, he was not without all his power.

After he was banished, he scoured the cosmos looking for a new home. We may assume that Saruman has some sense of remorse over his actions, having been banished from his celestial and earthly home. He comes to the realization that all his actions were not only from a lust of power, but from fear. He was afraid and thought that his only hope was to side with Sauron. A decision he certainly came to regret.


Now we come to late Victorian England, in a place called Earth. It somewhat reminds him of the place he left behind and could never return to, so he decides to reassemble himself there. But what does he do with his life now? He has to find a place to live, a way to make a living. He begins to observe the world around him, and, as a form of penance to his old life, decides to ease suffering instead of causing of it.

After looking around he finally decides to become a dentist, possibly because he can see that while modern medicine is making its own strides in progress, dentistry was still rather brutal. So much so that people were more comfortable allowing their mouth to rot than to see a dentist.

So, using his limited powers, especially his Voice, he talked his way into dental school and received his education and license to practice. He changes his name to Wilbur Wonka for legal purposes, and to try to have a normal-sounding name. Of course, being who he is, Wonka sounds like a completely reasonable name.

"Your love of the Halfling sweets has spoiled your teeth"

As time goes on, he begins to feel a sense of relief in his new life. He feels at one with the world as he uses his profound skill as a Maia and knowledge of dentistry to give a near-painless visit to each of his patients. Doing so in this time in history grants him some notoriety and small measure of fame. But he does not allow this to inflate his ego once again.

However, he does begin to feel a little lonely. So many days without anyone but his patients to talk to, and he doesn't get out much as it is; and what would he even talk about? Elves? Orcs? Magic rings and little people? While this world has stories about such things, it seems that only the children have any belief in these creatures.

Saruman begins to contemplate creating someone to pass his time with and his wisdom along to. Perhaps even creating a progeny that he can make into a better person than he is. Like we all wish for our children.

From Uruk-Hai war helmets to orthodontic head gear.

Thus William Wonka is born, although from what we don't know. Never in the movie do we hear of Willy's mother ever being in his life. Not even so much that she died at birth or when he was very young. As though she was never there to begin with at all. So, much like Saruman's fighting Uruk-Hai, Willy was made.

The child of a Wizard would be a unique child indeed: Creative, but possibly awkward as things just make sense to him in ways that the typical person can't understand. Intelligent, of course, as acquired knowledge comes easy to their kind. Saruman would once again use his Voice to convince those around him that nothing was unusual about the sudden appearance of a child in his life. Especially without a mother.

However, by now Dr. Wilbur Wonka has developed the obsession of teeth that occasionally comes with his trade. Add to that the focus and dedication of a Wizard. The result is that Willy's teeth are never quite perfect enough. Wilbur Wonka only wants what's best for him, and at this moment in his life it's his teeth.

But then Willy Wonka decides he wants to make candy. Perhaps this is him adopting his father's desire to bring comfort and happiness to people: His father through gentle and relatively pain-free dentistry, and his son through candy.

Dr. Wilbur Wonka condemns this decision, and when the argument comes to a head he tells Willy that if he leaves he won't be there when he returns. Keeping his word, the entire house is missing when Willy gets back from what was just a day at the museum.

Now, no regular person could just uproot a house like that without magical support. Neither of the houses to its sides are disturbed, and no one even seems to notice except for Willy. Later on we find the house located in what appears to be the Antarctic. Completely intact and functional.


Tell me more about how you think I'm a normal human being like you.

Now we come to Willy Wonka's adult life as a candy maker. Literally making magic candy. Like when Grandpa Joe eats the candy egg that hatches a live chocolate bird! Or the everlasting gobstopper... that never goes away! Perhaps the best evidence for Willy's abilities come from his various rooms for making candy: Chocolate waterfalls, edible grass, magic soda that makes you float, or transporting candy through the TV. There are so many ideas and gadgets in his factory that could only be manufactured by a Wizard.

The Great Glass Elevator. Enough said.

So what about the Oompa Loompas? Well, we know that Maia and Wizards can travel to and from places beyond our comprehension. Perhaps Willy, having no one to really guide him through the magical abilities he would mature into, accidentally discovers a means to travel into different dimensions or realities. There he discovers the Oompa Loompas and a world not so dis-similar to ours, as Saruman discovered ours to be not so different from Middle Earth.

Willy Wonka has no reason to think that he has been anywhere special or unknown. Which is why he is somewhat upset when he gets called out about Loompaland. He knows it's real but can't prove it to these people.

Oompa Loompas: Another version of Hobbits or Dwarves?

Here we can leave the explanation of the Oompa Loompas to their original form, tiny people from a different reality.

Now, because he is only the creation of a Maia and not one himself entirely, Willy Wonka is going to die someday. It's at the point that he becomes aware of his impending death that he runs his famous Golden Ticket contest: He not only becomes aware of his own mortality like many of us do, but he also becomes aware of the relative (or possibly exact) time of his death. Thus his own quest for an heir begins. But he has no concept of birth and life... so he must find a progeny.

Your ticket to carrying on the legacy of Saruman.

But he must find a suitable heir, someone to teach and has the ability to understand. So he sends out the Golden Tickets, and, well you know the rest.

"If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it."

Willy is talking about his, and his father's, ability to literally change the world around them.


What do you think of my Tolkien-Dahl crossover? Are there any connections you see between the two that I've missed? Got any crossover ideas of your own? Comment below or let me know on social @PawnandPint!

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